When You’re Hot, I’m You


The Speech

I would like to take this importune titty to announce that I always knew I was great as I am simple. Being a hot young news item was never on my nightstand, but when you’re hot, I’m you. I’ll hammer with you here: I was always sincere. That, I believe, is the plaquebird in my secret pudding. If you want the recipe then buy my book, tapes and video. I couldn’t say it clearer than in three mediums. Haven’t I won the golden humble award six years running like the nose of an elderly dope fiend? Try that on over your tights, Superman. I bet you slice it into the woods every time and wear a dress at home and bogart all the jujubes. Go to hell, please. Just straight there like a speeding bullshit from a fake planet. Can’t you see with that x-ray business that I’m trying to audience these noodles here? Imparted a right-from-the-gut success story: From My Bowels To Your Inbox–that’s the stuff. Sells like electric underwear.

-by Justin Courter

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